"A DRUNK OF BOOK THOUGHTS"

So we'd had enough. Well, they'd had enough, I was fine, I was happy, and so was Natalie. But being the awesome people we were, we decided to have a night of fun. Just us girls, accompanied by a bit of liquid courage. "Never have I ever" been so amused. After giggling uncontrollably, we'd decided to write a book, a book on things that we'd think whilst being  under the influence. And so we did.

"A Drunk of Book Thoughts"

By Aphiwe Kedama, Vera Cahi, Natalie Collett & Rickie Cheyne

-When life gives you lemons, use them to climb

-Bubbly

-I hate this Fucken song!

One word for guys:

R- Prick

N- Cock cuz they are chicken

A- Matthew

V- Stupid leads to thinking with penis

-Aphiwe wants to kiss us all girls

-Apz is pointing at me

-Why?

-"Cause you're drunk"

- I love girls cause I'm drunk

I love girls I'm a skank

I might be les I might not

But I am sexy & hot

-I need to pee

-Butterflys in my tummy

-I just need to cotch

-he is amazing and hot

-his name is Matt

-Aphiwe should shut up about matt, ditto vera!

-Now they're dancing

-Hahaha, vera's doing the worm!

-Hahahahaha

-I see you watching me, you see me watching you!

And that's all we could get down before our handwriting's became illegible. It was quite a night though.

MY FAVORITE DUMPSTER

After the last bow, the last tear shed, and the last drink downed. We found ourselves wondering what we could've done to make it last longer. Whether the "short" time we'd spent together was enough, and if there were any way we could bring it all back. But it's over. It's 'finally' over.

I suppose it's been one of those "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" kinda things. Which makes me a little sad. The more I think of it, the more I want to turn back time and do it all again and see if the rush kicks in the second time. As Michael said to me "It became second Nature to us" which it must have, because I didn't feel the nerves kick in, I didn't feel anxious, or even happy. For some reason I'd grown numb.

 But cheers to the memories, because at the end of the day, it became one hell of a ride, and I'd never felt more privileged to experience it with such an amazing cast. My escape, my deep dark hole that I ran away to that ultimately became "The Wedding Singer" will always be remembered as My favorite Dumpster:

So tonight you made some mistakes

I'll admit you hit a few bumps

But I hate to see you like this

Down on your luck, down in the dumps

Though hope might seem in short supply

You have to move on

You have to try...

So come out of the dumpster

Don't leave me standing here

come out of the dumpster

it's okay the coast is clear

the cop cars are leaving

channel 5 has packed up its crew

so come out of the dumpster

I'll be right here waiting for you...

So you're back in the dumpster

well that's like a metaphor

everyone has a dumpster

a stumbling block they can't ignore

but to fight it makes you stronger

and someday you might stand

so come out of that dumpster

here, take a hold of my hand...

Updating - Old emo posts

01 June: So today we received the keys to our new "Home", which isn't actually a home at all, it's more of an empty shell that we're forcing ourselves into because we're no longer welcome where we are now, plus there's not enough room for my brother. Good times.

 
Yesterday was amazing, because for once I spent the day not having to think about anything but that particular moment. I didn't have anything on my mind but the person I was with, I felt so comfortable and careless, and the best part was I didn't have to think about today, or the past two weeks that had gone by (which quickly went from being super awesome to a complete nightmare).

 
Anyway, so I've just come back from checking the place out. Everything is a complete mess. The idiot that lived there before didn't bother cleaning up after himself, so my "soon to be bedroom" looks disgusting, there's dust everywhere and the walls are covered in ugly marks, scratches and overall filth. Not only that, but everything looks so worn down and broken. I know I'm being melodramatic, but I really am struggling to handle all of this. Right now it seems that everything I'd once been taught about family, having a loving home and togetherness has just been shattered into tiny pieces, and thrown back in my face. I never thought I'd leave home, let alone have to move twice in just under a year and a half. And what scares me even more is that we'll probably have to move again in two years time, which means I'm only going to stay there for a year and a bit, and then I'm traveling, and coming home to nothing. As I've already mentioned - super melodramatic at the moment - but I feel I have every reason to be, my comfort zone had disappeared ages ago.

 
02 June: Today I'm feeling a little bit better about the whole thing, still not entirely happy about it, but life goes on. My brother and I have to visit my mother today to pack up our things at her place, so that our furniture will be ready for the movers tomorrow. Sigh, apparently we'll be sleeping in our own beds in our new home by tomorrow night. I have a strong feeling that the nightmares will visit again... Blah.

 
Basically this is how I REALLY feel: I have plenty of homes to live in, but right now I have no "Home".

dum dum dum

Been working quite a bit lately, did a shoot this weekend with Miss Aphiwe Kedama. Here's how some of them came out:

In the mean time. Hello. It's been a while, but anyway. I really dono what to post (shocking, I know).... bleh... zzz

GRUMPY. AGAIN.

Grrr... I'm actually quite annoyed with myself, I've lost track of almost everything. I used to keep sheets of every month and jot down the things I did everyday, which I loved because I could always look back on what I've done and giggle and sigh at the memories. Now don't ask me why, but I suddenly stopped that and I'm beggining to regret it... sigh. I don't even know what date it is... or day for that matter. Maybe I'm just unnecessarily grumpy today... I dono. Change needs to take place. Damnit.

Anyway, moving on. I've had a pretty awesome 3 days. Spent them with the wonderful Miss Kyla Kin, starting with monday night, she invited me to join her and her two friends, Mike and Anthony, at CTFM for dinner, which was pretty awesome. Then Tuesday she took me with her to watch the Soccer Match at one of the Fan Parks with a bunch of friends, then after that we went to a house party, which was also super cool. I drank Oros all night. I felt hardcore. I must admit she has some of the most awesome friends, althogh I suppose they're more like her brothers friends, but awesome nonetheless. I think I may have a secret crush on one of them... sigh.. but alas my age killed that dream, one day maybe... we shall see;)

Anyway, I'm gonna go sulk now, and eat ridiculous amounts of chocolate and feel better:)
(I hate being grumpy)
***

SIGH

So I've decided that it's about time I used my blog to speak out about things that have actually been upsetting me. Facebook makes it too obvious, which is why I believe that using my own space (my blog) might actually help a little, because it makes me feel as though I've tried to do something about it. Maybe one day the people that have brought on this distress will read this, and hopefully realize their stupidity before they take on another failed friendship, however that's a long shot and I highly doubt it, but what's the harm in believing for a change...

It's kind of hit me like a flying rock at a stoning really, the more I think about it the more I realise the lies people surround themselves and others with. I've slowly come to learn that people - no matter who they are - WILL pretend to be there for you and WILL forget about you eventually once they don't need you anymore. So far this has happened three times over the past month or so, and I'm struggling to understand why. Perhaps I'm just one of those people who make it easy for people to walk all over, I try not to be but it seems that I'm not trying hard enough. I think I trust certain people FAR too much, and I suppose I expect too much from them (although I don't see how a 'hello' once in a while could hurt, but anyway...) It really hurts me seeing people slip away like this, people I care so much about are disappearing so fast that it's hard to keep up with everything, and honestly I've tried so hard to be there long enough for people to realise I still exist, but I'm really struggling to decide if holding on is such a great idea, because it seems to be doing nothing either way.

One by one I've begun to see the true colours of those I once welcomed in my life, and I honestly can't remember being this hurt because of something this 'silly'. I don't mind people exploring new avenues and finding happiness, in fact I embrace it whole heartedly, but when people lie to me about it, or worse use me to get there - that's when I can't handle it anymore. They would tell me one thing, and do another, or not even tell me at all, and leave me waiting there like a complete doosh for some kind of explanation - which I never seem to get. And even better yet, having to find out on the all mighty Facebook. It really isn't fun... but each and every time I find ways of looking past it, and moving on, because that's all one can really do in the end... right? Unfortunately it's getting harder and harder to do, and I'm starting to remember why I used to build my walls so confidently, because it used to protect me from invisibly selfish people who tend to find unbelievable ways of putting me in this position. Trust issues may not be a bad thing after all, in fact it may just be the cure to this never ending downward spiral. But rise up I shall, this time remembering my walls and having my lesson thoroughly learned.

***

Deftones - Diamond Eyes [FULL SONG W/ LYRICS]

DRESS UP

So! Yesterday (01 June) started off terribly, things just kept going wrong and I was on the verge of tears, as much as I know I'll regret saying this but for once I was ready to give up on the whole school thing altogether. Thankfully my family was there for me:) (both of them!) After school I went with my brother to go see my mom for the first time in ages, I needed her help with clothes for that night and I generally wanted to see her:) so we did. We were told to dress according to our production theme (the 80's) to rehearsal that night, and because we're doing the "Wedding Singer" I decided to go crazy and arrive in my mothers wedding dress:), as well as this bright pink outfit to do choreography in. It was sooooooooooo much fun:). While driving up toward the school, the entire cast had decided to wait by the main gate for me, to see what I was wearing:) my partner (Jerard) even opened the door for me as I got out the car. The dress was massive but I loved it:).. the rest of the rehearsal also went amazingly well... The best part of my life are my families:) The Cheyne's and the Major Production kids:) I love em!

(02 June)Today: Was the inter-Tribe athletics day, and boy-oh-boy did I go mad! I was chosen as a Ra-Ra (cheerleadrer thing) for my tribe, 'TERRA' which is green. I even ran a few races:) badly... but it's the thought that counts... right? ;) Anyway, I enjoyed myself, and >drum roll< I was selected to be a representative of Fourways High School at the Inter-Tribe Athletics event coming up:) not only that but I've also been made Captain!!! Gr.11 and I'm rocking it:)... It was actually pretty cool, because the male captain (for the athletics Cheer team) is my co-star and co-captain in Major Production:) so we find ourselves working together yet again! .... Yeah, we're awesome like that ;) but yeah!

That was the sum total of the past two days:)

***

BEAUTY & THE BEASTS

>This is going to be a long one... brace yourself<

So the past few days have been absolutely jam packed with pure awesomeness! My weekend pretty much started on thursday, due to the convenient fact that I didn't have to write on friday (exams... joy). So Thursday night I went with my friend Demi to go and watch a good friend of ours, Jason van Wyngaardt, play at Tanz Cafe'. His band has recently been recording some of their stuff with SABC, and have played quite a few gigs, but until thursday I'd never gotten the chance to see them live, and boy oh boy were they insane:) They're called 'Arctic Jinn', they're like a mixture of jazz, funk, rock and everyday awesome music:) Jason is unbelievable on guitar, his performance was seriously jaw dropping. He even played 'Johnny be good', a song I absolutely adore! I also got the chance to catch up with people I'd met earlier this year, another guy named Josh Bristow, which was awesome! But yeah, it certainly was a wonderful way to kick off the weekend:)

Friday morning I had rehearsals, which weren't that bad, short and sweet which worked for me. That night I had been invited to go with Jason to watch Josh (Bristow, from thursday night) play rugby, it was all the way in Roodeport but it was so worth going. However I froze my @$$ off! I didn't realise how cold it was going to get, and wore one jacket, no socks and open shoes (yes, I can be quite the dumb-ass). So while waiting for Josh to play I went and bought myself some rugby socks to keep my feet warm:) So I now own a pair of black and green Roodeport rubgy socks:) I felt pretty hardcore;). Josh played like a beast, but his stupid coach didn't give him enough playing time and sent him off early, but it was still different and I liked it:)

And of course... Saturday... "SEASONS WITHER -Beauty & The Beasts" <--- WOW! It was mind blowing, everything I could ever want in life was right there in that one venue. From Kick ass bands, to amazing people (old friends and strangers), to the Love of my life - ZORAN RAMOS, the lead singer of 'The Dead will tell'. I went crazy when I saw him live, I was even lucky enough to get a picture with him (Sigh...) I then went on to buy their band T-shirt (it's now my favorite, heehee). It really was truly amazing, and - thanks to the amazing mister Rowen - I got to stage dive for the first time ever! It was one of the single most amazing experiences ever, it may seem a little over rated to some, but I loved it, I was carried pretty far too:) and they didn't drop me! yaaaaay! The cage fighting wasn't that amazing, I managed to ignore most of it, but in general I had the sickest time... so much happened but it was all super cool:) (well.. most of it, some retard bit me in one of the moshes though... not cool) but anyway..

Check out some pix!:

  

See the sexy boy in the middle? That's Zoran Ramos, the same guy in the picture with me up at the top! sigh... >hearts<

So yeah, sunday was also pretty cool. Had to go to a choreography rehearsal which killed me, I was so stiff and achy from Saturday that dancing wasn't exactly at the top of my "omigoshIreallywannadothis" list. But We all made it bearable. However, on Saturday I got Natalie to kiss my neck with this hectic lipstick on so it would leave a kiss mark, cuz I thought it looked cool, not realising it would stain my neck - which it did - and ended up looking like a Hicky. I had pictures to prove my innocence, but everyone chose not to believe me and went on to nickname me "Hiki Riki", which I found kinda funny:)... whilst on stage I asked a group of friends to keep my phone safe for me, instead they did this:(reffer to bright green image)... they made it my wallpaper, screensaver and start-up image on my phone... just to remind me;) evil... but cute:)

ANYWAY... I think I'm done now:) thanx to everyone who made these past few days awsm. I needed it! :)

***

Almost

Hello again. So I've just managed to get mostly everything back on track. I've been kind of disorientated lately because there has just been far too much going on - all at once - So I've been a little lost, the good news is I'm almost all better:)

On the 1st of July my family and I are moving, we found a house about a week and a bit ago and since then things have been super muddled. I hated the house when I first saw it, there were just so many things that I didn't like about it and I couldn't handle having to 'just deal with it'. However, over the past few days I've managed to kinda get over most of it, and I'm now planning on how I'm going to rikify my bedroom, it should be pretty epic. 

Also my computer has been giving me shit lately, which also threw me off balance. But slowly it's getting better. The only thing I haven't gotten back is my photoshop... but we'll see what happens.
 

So I went to CLARENS! It was super pretty, look!
If I could wake up to this every morning I would...

So the other night, at about 11:55pm, whilst successfully burning my dinner (which so happened to be 3 small mini pizzas)I recieved an extremely random but super awesome phonecall from a long lost friend, Stephen van der Sluys:). He used to be the guitarist  in my first band, "Fetch", and also one of my favorite people EVER! Was really awsm hearing from him again, haven't seen him in about a year and a half because he lives in cape town, but hopefully I'll be seeing him sometime during the holidays:) so I'm super excited!

Anyway, extra maths beckons! untill next time!

***

%#$^*^(&%$$@@!!!!

see that? that's me...

Blah

Didn't like this week. Not one single bit. Stupid week. Hmpf.
My wife left me last night. Apparently we're now divorced, but I'm still somehow her wife? WTF... I think not. Also went to go see the Bryanston Major Production, was much better than last year... still quite entertaining though. I fell in love with one of the actors, blonde, stunning smile and looked pretty darn hot in make up;) I then proceeded to do the stalker thing and find out what his name was during interval. Turns out his name is "Joshua Stevens"... I then decided to write him a letter:) it said:
"Hi there. I think you are absolutely gorgeous! Keep smiling, and well done:) <3 "Julia" (From the Wedding Singer) Fourways high School." <--- I wrote 'Julia' so that he'd only find out who I was after he'd come to see our show (which is what Bryanston always does - Kinda like a traditional thing) anyway, so the letter had been delivered. According to my fellow cast mates there is a chance he might be gay (just my luck)... so lets all pray for me:) ok?

I also got the chance to sit in on The Stella's recording session (that I arranged, cuz I'm cool like that). I must say, each time I hear them play, I remind myself why I love them so much. Their music is just too cool for the world:) another plus point is that they are all ridiculously sexy, each and every single one of them! It's amazingly wonderful:) So I had lotsa fun. Still got that song in my head... "Drowning on air, working for the boss man, bills I pay, never ever seem to end..." sigh... good stuff.

So yeah. that's my news. Smile! ***

Borrowed time...

I swore to myself I'd never post my own lyrics, poems or songs on the internet, but this time I think I should. Friday last week, a dear friend of mine's father passed away, after a long struggle against cancer. Last night inspiration hit me and I wrote this song, especially for her. Raffy - I Love you hun...

Borrowed time...

Standing Ovation 

This life I've created

I look back

and smile at those years

Body is Aching

This life that you're taking

has broken and reduced me to tears

We find him living on

Borrowed time

Teachers spread the word

Please don't make it hurt

Make it go away

Give me time

To try and say goodbye

and dry the tears from my eyes

and let him go...

I Try to keep breathing

suddenly I see him

Right here but so far away

Dark lines fall from me

while he's still above me

I pray for just one more excuse..

To keep him living on

Borrowed time

Can my thoughts be heard?

Will he keep his word

Make me understand.

Leaving behind

Belongings re-arranged

will it be the same?

I still wonder why...

I still wonder why...

IT'S ART!

So I thought I'd share some of my art with the internet. They're just random doodling, but hey:) IT'S ART!