The Blob

I'm at a very low point in my life right now. I generally try not to write about things that don't encourage other people, but sometimes it's good to vent and get all your frustrations out of your system. Almost like cleaning the canvas to start all over again.

This year has been extremely difficult. I could say it's been one of the worst years I've experienced in a long while, but it wouldn't be completely true. this year has been difficult on levels I've never experienced before. If I had to compare it to past experiences, I could easily say I've been through worse. But it's challenged parts of me that have never had a decent workout before. And it distresses me, because I feel that I've done nothing but waste my time this entire year. I haven't done anything noteworthy. I haven't taken risks. I haven't challenged myself. I haven't bettered myself. I've just been this blob of nothing.

I feel like I've been going through situations that people in their early 30's deal with. I feel that I haven't been given enough opportunity to let myself be a 20 year old. I feel that I've been forced to become this adult, stuck doing work I'm not interested in, having no money or time to explore the kind of person I could be - and having to settle with being the blob I am now because of it all. And I could sit here all day pointing fingers, but it would do nothing, and there would be no way for me to benefit from it, so why? Everyone will just tell me I'm the only one to blame anyway... everyone will attack me, get involved, shove their opinions down my throat... suffocating me into submitting to their ways. And for what?

People my age that go to university are generally given the chance and time to learn more about the person they want to become, and don't have to worry about rent, bills, food and the age old questions "what am I doing with my life?"... I was given 5 months in total. Whereby I bounced from house to house, left the country for 3 months (3 months filled with lectures about not being good enough for anyone...) and came back home, just to move out again and have to get a job to pay for living. No time for finding comfort, no time to explore myself and what I'm capable of. No time to be myself.

And I'm not the same. I'm a completely different person to the one in my head. Some people say I'd changed for the better, others say for the worse. Another case of never being good enough for anyone. And I must admit, I'm more optimistic (most days) and girly, and I try live my life a little more. But being even more honest, I'm incredibly unhappy. I'm this blob of unicorn shit. I don't feel real. Obviously in the hypothetical sense. But still. I'm just not the person I want to be. And I feel I can't change it unless I completely ruin myself first.

I want to paint. And I want to write music. And I want to sing in front of strangers that appreciate my efforts - even if they are a bunch of drunks at a local pub. I wouldn't care. I want to become an events planner, because so far, I think I'm doing pretty well at it. I want to get involved with film. I want to record an album - even if my family members are the only ones that buy it. I want to teach art classes to 6 year olds. I want to be someones role model. I want to go on holiday to America with my mom and do all kinds of cheesy and touristy things. I want to see my dad laugh. I want to see my brother more often. I want to visit my family in the UK again... I just want to be happy with my life. And I'm not.

So tell me to change it, tell me you think I'm being a whiny bitch... but it really wont make a difference. Right now I'm stuck. And I will change everything soon... I know I will. I have people that Love me & will support me and my crazy decisions. But it's going to need time... and a lot of coaxing... But I hate this person. She lies to herself to make everyone else happy. And I don't like it. 10 year old me would be bitterly disappointed. But I wont carry on being this tool... I hope.

Regards,
The Blob

Music was the only kind of education I actually eeded.

Yay! It's note time :)

So this morning I decided to squeeze out all my creative juices and make a delicious noteworthy smoothie.

And the topic I decided to blab on about is how people (adults/parents in particular) don't give music enough credit for our (my generation in particular's) upbringing.

And today I'd like to share what I've learned purely through music alone... things that actually matter, things that have helped me deal with situations that no Life Orientation lesson could ever have prepped me for. And as silly as it may come across as to some, to others... it might just make a bit of sense.

The Beach Boys taught me that boys used to be gentlemen, & that they used to be quite happy with just holding your hand or simply just getting the chance to serenade you. They told me not to worry (baby), and that everything was going to be alright. And to this day - when in doubt - I think back and remember that important piece of advice. Because every time I've been in a sticky situation... I remember that song, and occasionally sing it to myself.

Britney Spears taught me that in life, I'm going to think I'm in love... and change my mind later... and I have. Plenty of times. Thank goodness she let me know and feel I wasn't the only one going through the motions. Ooops.

Avril Lavigne taught me the word "Complicated" - up until that point I had no idea there was such a word. Granted I was only 9-ish at the time... but still. Thanks to her, I now have a single word to explain things, instead of having to tell people my life story.

System of a Down (particularly Serj Tankian) taught me about how music can be about more than boys and Milkshakes (what?). Because of this band, I started reading about politics and war, and it taught me that I was allowed to have an opinion and voice it as much as I wanted to. I've always been strongly opposed to any sort of conflict, and through their music, I felt like I sang along for a cause. And it felt right.

"4000 hungry children leave us per hour,

From starvation,

While billions are spent on bombs,

Creating death showers. " - Boom - System Of A Down

Tell me that isn't educational...

Evanescence taught me to mourn. Their song "My Immortal"  and "Hello" brings a tear to the eye almost every time, just because it's so gosh darn sad. And it's ok to be sad sometimes... in fact it's good to be sad sometimes. Because it makes the happier times feel even more happy. Plus who doesn't feel a million times better after a good cry? Let's just be honest here...

Seether taught me "Fuck it". I think that pretty much speaks for itself. Lesson learned. Boom.

The Police taught me that Roxanne was a slut. And that we don't need to be like her... or wear red dresses... or turn on red lights... and shit. Something like that.

Queen taught me to never be afraid of being myself. And to be as absolutely fabulous as possible. Because in the end... Nothing really matters.

Adam Ant taught me to experiment with fashion... Because he was a guy - that looked absolutely amazing in make-up and clashing colours - and it somehow worked. Also everyone needs those photo's to show their kids one day... And let me just tell you, I have an abundance of them... sigh... them goth days were beautiful. He also taught me that you only live once, and that being a goodie two shoes is sometimes a bad thing... and that I should Drink. Good advice if you ask me. In Moderation of course (I do not condone the abuse of alcohol... most days.)

Pink taught me that drugs can only get you so far... and that they're bad. Mmmkay. (Same goes for Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe and Elvis)

I also learned that life can sometimes kick you in the ass... but if you keep your head up high and keep moving forward, you can end up a superstar swinging on ropes at sold out stadium shows.

Dory from finding Nemo (she sang it, so technically it counts) taught me to Just keep swimming. BEST. ADVICE. EVER. I have never forgotten this.

The spice girls taught me about friendship. And that if you see each other too often you might just end up hating one another.. but eventually you'll be friends again. Repeat Cycle.

Metallica taught me to control my pride - "King Nothing" used to be my anthem as a kid, and I believed every word they said.

Macklemore taught me about the wonders of a thrift store - they really are awesome. You should check it out sometime.

Linkin Park taught me that you can't please everyone, and that people will always expect great deals from you. A lot of the time (especially between siblings) people expect you to be just like another family member who had previously succeeded, and it is important to know that you are your own person, and that you should be yourself, and ignore what others say.

Paramore taught me that your heart will be broken by someone someday - it's inevitable - but you will find happiness again, and you'll always find exceptions from all the duds out there. They also taught me that people are stupid and ignorant. Ignore them.

Lonehill Estate taught me that I look good dancing like a looser. Which is great, because I can't dance... So it's good to know I can do it regardless of how silly I look to others :) 

Alanis Morrisette taught me to throw a middle finger to the world, because bad things will always happen at the worst times, people will always let you down and life will always throw you curve balls... but you have to keep pressing on and give people high fives :)

Muse taught me to feel good.

My Chemical Romance taught me that teenagers are scary - and they are... I was there once... and I bet I was absolutely awful. The good news is they grow up... and most times turn out to be pretty rad people :)

There are SO many other artists I could mention... But at the end of the day, there is only so much an individual can read through without flicking through the rest of their updates on facebook. But I do hope I've opened your mind to a whole neeeeeew woooorld of education you never knew you'd received. 

If there are other artists that have taught you something, please feel free to share your experience and story with me :) I'd absolutely Love to hear your opinion...

Have a rad-tastic Wednessday.

Much Love

R

Delicious Rock-Stars

So in no particular order I'm gonna go through my list of rockstar crushes I've had over the past few years that I feel should be mentioned for the sake of all that is good and right in my world. Bare in mind that I have the strangest taste when it comes to crushes, and I usually decide on them for really arb reasons... But you'll see why...

First up, my latest discovery - Trevor Wentworth, front-man of the band 'Our Last Night'. A friend of mine posted a cover they did recently of Rihana's song "Stay" - and after watching the video about 8 times, I honestly couldn't understand where they had been all my life. Baring in mind that this man is my age, and has a voice like that, with so much power and control, it just makes me shiver. Not to mention his rather wonderfully good looks - it's just a great combination. He's one of those artists that I swoon over whenever he opens his mouth to sing (and occasionally scream) - oh! oh! and he's tatted up :) another big thumbs up!

Then there's Pete Loeffler, guitarist and front-man of one my ultimate favourite rock bands, Chevelle. Now, at first glance, he doesn't seem too incredibly sexy... until he gets behind a microphone and seduces thousands of audience members with a single grin. I was lucky enough to get to experience this seduction myself at one of their shows not too long ago, and let me tell you... sjoe! He is the kind of artist that makes you wish you were his microphone - the way he stares at audience members, the way he practically makes out with the mic, and all the very cheeky comments in between songs is just about enough to make any bad-boy loving female faint. 

My next selection is a bit more obvious and I'm pretty sure you saw it coming - the ever so incredible, mister Matt Tuck from 'Bullet For My Valentine'. He won me over after their 'tears don't fall' video back in 2006 - a decent amount of time ago. I didn't even have to watch the entire video to know and understand the appeal this man has - after the first "OW!" , that was me - finished. He is the ultimate metal-sex god, the whole package, tattoos, long hair, stunning smile, and that voice... (even though it changed a bit between albums, which caused a bit of a stir) is what makes this man so wonderful, and one of my delicious rockstars. 

This next one came as quite a shock to my system - BUT - has made my list none the less. Justin Hawkins of 'The Darkness'. Apart from his gangly physique, terrible teeth and over-all Sid the sloth look - he is probably one of the sexiest men I've ever seen live on stage. To sum it all up, he is an absolute power house of awesome-ness. The minute he walks onto stage, with his curly mustache and interesting wardrobe, he commands his audience and completely owns and dominates his surroundings. He is a Rock n' Roll king, and no amount of criticism could ever take that way from him. He makes love to his guitar, he prances across the stage as if he were on his own personal runway - and he is just incredible to watch. He oozes sex appeal and dirty RnR vibes, and stole my heart with his insane vocal range and musical talent. So props to this maniac for being so incredibly sexy.

Tyson Ritter. Of course. From the 'All american Rejects'. What more can I say other than LOOK AT HIM - those eyes, that jaw, that attitude. Just Yes. Starting off his musical carreer while still in high school, to being a model / actor/ musican by the age of 29 (still a young'n... thumbs up). Granted the band isn't as harsh and heavy as the others I've mentioned, but I still believe he deserves to be listed as a sexy rockstar, because he is. Not only is he incredibly gifted in both the musical and looks department, he is incredibly funny, not too long ago I watched a couple of interviews with him and he is incredibly witty, quirky and just fun. And who doesn't love a guy with a great sense of humor? So yes please, on a silver platter - that would be great...

The '30 Seconds to Mars' chameleon - Jared Leto. The make-up wearing, stage climbing, singing and acting guru himself. And let's not fool ourselves, he's just gorgeous. Stunning blue eyes, a warm and beautiful smile and one helleva voice. A jack of all trades really, and SO full of energy. When 30 Seconds to Mars came to SA, he put on an insane show, and was absolutely everywhere. Never a dull moment, which is why it would be stupid not to list him as one of the most sexy rockstars out there... because he just brings it.

Gerard and Mikey Way from 'My Chemical Romance', aka. The Way Brothers. This weird and wonderful duo had my head spinning at quite a young age, and for two completely different reasons. Gerard was eccentric, in your face and crazy, while Mikey was the quiet handsome one in the foreground who got your attention by just standing there... And I know how some woman ADORE the quiet types. But this was exactly it, they were both So extremely different and I could never decide which one I liked better. Either way, they are both incredibly good looking, talented and sexy as all hell. Yay for Brothers!

Now I know I've left out far too many options to please everyone, but this was a tough task trying to single out the ones that I had never forgotten... so if you have a Rock star hottie that you think I should mention, don't be afraid to leave a comment below on your thoughts, and I'll make a plan to scout them out. Also, take a minute to vote on my latest poll (to the right hand side of the blog) for your favourite Sexy Rockstar, to see which one comes out tops :)

Have a killer week everyone!
-R

Alright - these are the requested additions :)

KURT COBAIN - NIRVANA

VILLE VALO - HIM

OLLIE SYKES - BRING ME THE HORIZON

BERT McCRACKEN - THE USED

RONNIE RADKE - FALLING IN REVERSE