01 June: So today we received the keys to our new "Home", which isn't actually a home at all, it's more of an empty shell that we're forcing ourselves into because we're no longer welcome where we are now, plus there's not enough room for my brother. Good times.
Yesterday was amazing, because for once I spent the day not having to think about anything but that particular moment. I didn't have anything on my mind but the person I was with, I felt so comfortable and careless, and the best part was I didn't have to think about today, or the past two weeks that had gone by (which quickly went from being super awesome to a complete nightmare).
Anyway, so I've just come back from checking the place out. Everything is a complete mess. The idiot that lived there before didn't bother cleaning up after himself, so my "soon to be bedroom" looks disgusting, there's dust everywhere and the walls are covered in ugly marks, scratches and overall filth. Not only that, but everything looks so worn down and broken. I know I'm being melodramatic, but I really am struggling to handle all of this. Right now it seems that everything I'd once been taught about family, having a loving home and togetherness has just been shattered into tiny pieces, and thrown back in my face. I never thought I'd leave home, let alone have to move twice in just under a year and a half. And what scares me even more is that we'll probably have to move again in two years time, which means I'm only going to stay there for a year and a bit, and then I'm traveling, and coming home to nothing. As I've already mentioned - super melodramatic at the moment - but I feel I have every reason to be, my comfort zone had disappeared ages ago.
02 June: Today I'm feeling a little bit better about the whole thing, still not entirely happy about it, but life goes on. My brother and I have to visit my mother today to pack up our things at her place, so that our furniture will be ready for the movers tomorrow. Sigh, apparently we'll be sleeping in our own beds in our new home by tomorrow night. I have a strong feeling that the nightmares will visit again... Blah.
Basically this is how I REALLY feel: I have plenty of homes to live in, but right now I have no "Home".
