dum dum dum

Been working quite a bit lately, did a shoot this weekend with Miss Aphiwe Kedama. Here's how some of them came out:

In the mean time. Hello. It's been a while, but anyway. I really dono what to post (shocking, I know).... bleh... zzz

GRUMPY. AGAIN.

Grrr... I'm actually quite annoyed with myself, I've lost track of almost everything. I used to keep sheets of every month and jot down the things I did everyday, which I loved because I could always look back on what I've done and giggle and sigh at the memories. Now don't ask me why, but I suddenly stopped that and I'm beggining to regret it... sigh. I don't even know what date it is... or day for that matter. Maybe I'm just unnecessarily grumpy today... I dono. Change needs to take place. Damnit.

Anyway, moving on. I've had a pretty awesome 3 days. Spent them with the wonderful Miss Kyla Kin, starting with monday night, she invited me to join her and her two friends, Mike and Anthony, at CTFM for dinner, which was pretty awesome. Then Tuesday she took me with her to watch the Soccer Match at one of the Fan Parks with a bunch of friends, then after that we went to a house party, which was also super cool. I drank Oros all night. I felt hardcore. I must admit she has some of the most awesome friends, althogh I suppose they're more like her brothers friends, but awesome nonetheless. I think I may have a secret crush on one of them... sigh.. but alas my age killed that dream, one day maybe... we shall see;)

Anyway, I'm gonna go sulk now, and eat ridiculous amounts of chocolate and feel better:)
(I hate being grumpy)
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SIGH

So I've decided that it's about time I used my blog to speak out about things that have actually been upsetting me. Facebook makes it too obvious, which is why I believe that using my own space (my blog) might actually help a little, because it makes me feel as though I've tried to do something about it. Maybe one day the people that have brought on this distress will read this, and hopefully realize their stupidity before they take on another failed friendship, however that's a long shot and I highly doubt it, but what's the harm in believing for a change...

It's kind of hit me like a flying rock at a stoning really, the more I think about it the more I realise the lies people surround themselves and others with. I've slowly come to learn that people - no matter who they are - WILL pretend to be there for you and WILL forget about you eventually once they don't need you anymore. So far this has happened three times over the past month or so, and I'm struggling to understand why. Perhaps I'm just one of those people who make it easy for people to walk all over, I try not to be but it seems that I'm not trying hard enough. I think I trust certain people FAR too much, and I suppose I expect too much from them (although I don't see how a 'hello' once in a while could hurt, but anyway...) It really hurts me seeing people slip away like this, people I care so much about are disappearing so fast that it's hard to keep up with everything, and honestly I've tried so hard to be there long enough for people to realise I still exist, but I'm really struggling to decide if holding on is such a great idea, because it seems to be doing nothing either way.

One by one I've begun to see the true colours of those I once welcomed in my life, and I honestly can't remember being this hurt because of something this 'silly'. I don't mind people exploring new avenues and finding happiness, in fact I embrace it whole heartedly, but when people lie to me about it, or worse use me to get there - that's when I can't handle it anymore. They would tell me one thing, and do another, or not even tell me at all, and leave me waiting there like a complete doosh for some kind of explanation - which I never seem to get. And even better yet, having to find out on the all mighty Facebook. It really isn't fun... but each and every time I find ways of looking past it, and moving on, because that's all one can really do in the end... right? Unfortunately it's getting harder and harder to do, and I'm starting to remember why I used to build my walls so confidently, because it used to protect me from invisibly selfish people who tend to find unbelievable ways of putting me in this position. Trust issues may not be a bad thing after all, in fact it may just be the cure to this never ending downward spiral. But rise up I shall, this time remembering my walls and having my lesson thoroughly learned.

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Deftones - Diamond Eyes [FULL SONG W/ LYRICS]

DRESS UP

So! Yesterday (01 June) started off terribly, things just kept going wrong and I was on the verge of tears, as much as I know I'll regret saying this but for once I was ready to give up on the whole school thing altogether. Thankfully my family was there for me:) (both of them!) After school I went with my brother to go see my mom for the first time in ages, I needed her help with clothes for that night and I generally wanted to see her:) so we did. We were told to dress according to our production theme (the 80's) to rehearsal that night, and because we're doing the "Wedding Singer" I decided to go crazy and arrive in my mothers wedding dress:), as well as this bright pink outfit to do choreography in. It was sooooooooooo much fun:). While driving up toward the school, the entire cast had decided to wait by the main gate for me, to see what I was wearing:) my partner (Jerard) even opened the door for me as I got out the car. The dress was massive but I loved it:).. the rest of the rehearsal also went amazingly well... The best part of my life are my families:) The Cheyne's and the Major Production kids:) I love em!

(02 June)Today: Was the inter-Tribe athletics day, and boy-oh-boy did I go mad! I was chosen as a Ra-Ra (cheerleadrer thing) for my tribe, 'TERRA' which is green. I even ran a few races:) badly... but it's the thought that counts... right? ;) Anyway, I enjoyed myself, and >drum roll< I was selected to be a representative of Fourways High School at the Inter-Tribe Athletics event coming up:) not only that but I've also been made Captain!!! Gr.11 and I'm rocking it:)... It was actually pretty cool, because the male captain (for the athletics Cheer team) is my co-star and co-captain in Major Production:) so we find ourselves working together yet again! .... Yeah, we're awesome like that ;) but yeah!

That was the sum total of the past two days:)

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