SIGH

So I've decided that it's about time I used my blog to speak out about things that have actually been upsetting me. Facebook makes it too obvious, which is why I believe that using my own space (my blog) might actually help a little, because it makes me feel as though I've tried to do something about it. Maybe one day the people that have brought on this distress will read this, and hopefully realize their stupidity before they take on another failed friendship, however that's a long shot and I highly doubt it, but what's the harm in believing for a change...

It's kind of hit me like a flying rock at a stoning really, the more I think about it the more I realise the lies people surround themselves and others with. I've slowly come to learn that people - no matter who they are - WILL pretend to be there for you and WILL forget about you eventually once they don't need you anymore. So far this has happened three times over the past month or so, and I'm struggling to understand why. Perhaps I'm just one of those people who make it easy for people to walk all over, I try not to be but it seems that I'm not trying hard enough. I think I trust certain people FAR too much, and I suppose I expect too much from them (although I don't see how a 'hello' once in a while could hurt, but anyway...) It really hurts me seeing people slip away like this, people I care so much about are disappearing so fast that it's hard to keep up with everything, and honestly I've tried so hard to be there long enough for people to realise I still exist, but I'm really struggling to decide if holding on is such a great idea, because it seems to be doing nothing either way.

One by one I've begun to see the true colours of those I once welcomed in my life, and I honestly can't remember being this hurt because of something this 'silly'. I don't mind people exploring new avenues and finding happiness, in fact I embrace it whole heartedly, but when people lie to me about it, or worse use me to get there - that's when I can't handle it anymore. They would tell me one thing, and do another, or not even tell me at all, and leave me waiting there like a complete doosh for some kind of explanation - which I never seem to get. And even better yet, having to find out on the all mighty Facebook. It really isn't fun... but each and every time I find ways of looking past it, and moving on, because that's all one can really do in the end... right? Unfortunately it's getting harder and harder to do, and I'm starting to remember why I used to build my walls so confidently, because it used to protect me from invisibly selfish people who tend to find unbelievable ways of putting me in this position. Trust issues may not be a bad thing after all, in fact it may just be the cure to this never ending downward spiral. But rise up I shall, this time remembering my walls and having my lesson thoroughly learned.

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